The Fatherhood EFFECT

By GetParentingTips.com Staff
Read Time: 5 minutes

Donald didn't expect to be a father before age 30. He also didn't expect he'd ever have to ask for help to make ends meet. "I had gotten laid off, and finances changed big time," he says. "I was hurting deep down, because I never thought I'd have to go to a food bank."

As luck would have it, while Donald was in line waiting at the food bank he met Bobby. Bobby is a program manager for Fatherhood EFFECT (Educating Fathers for Empowering Children Tomorrow), a parenting education program designed to help dads and father figures become more actively involved with their kids. "Bobby asked if I was a father, and he started talking about the program," Donald says. "He said it can help pay for things, and I felt this sense that he wanted to help."

Joining a Brotherhood of Fathers

About a week later, Donald went to his first Fatherhood EFFECT workshop. “He came in and just fit right into the group,” Bobby said. “He was one of the younger fathers, a new father. And it was just really cool to see a young father like that have a spark for fatherhood and want to be the best version of himself as a father for his young child.”

Breaking the Tradition of Silence

Donald knew he wanted to build a strong bond with his son but he wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. “I grew up in a household where, as men, we didn’t talk about things. It was like, you’re a man, suck it up. I looked back and said, ‘I’m not going to do that with my son.’” Fatherhood EFFECT changed Donald’s way of thinking. He found it is okay to show his emotions and share his feelings.

Building Strong Fathers

The program provides classes, peer support, and mentoring. Fathers learn how to:

• Balance work and family.

• Deal with family conflicts.
• Improve communication.
• Help with children’s behavior issues.
• Deal with emotions.

 

Services are provided at no cost to the family, and fathers don't have to live with their children to participate.

Learning to Open Up

Donald found himself really looking forward to the workshops each Monday. “Coming into the program, I opened up to Bobby and the rest of the men in the class, and I had this level of stress that came off me,” Donald says. “I had so much baggage that I didn’t realize that was in my heart, and the class allowed me to open up and be more vulnerable, to be more comfortable in my skin, to be more comfortable in my story. It’s been amazing.”

Services Just for Fathers

For many of the men in the group, the classes provide a good chance to share challenges and get advice from fellow fathers. “A lot of these fathers say they just love the brotherhood,” Bobby says. “When you sit in that classroom, and you’re like, I have these same situations happen with the mother of my child or with my kiddos, or with work. It puts them in a better mindset. Fathers feel more confident they’re not the only ones going through this. There’ are plenty of services out that help moms and family units, but one specifically for fatherhood—man, that’s special.”

Creating Strong Bonds

Donald feels the program has given him the tools to better connect with his young son, Carter. “Being a father is this rewarding process,” he says. “Children, when they're young, all they want is their mom and dad, and what they look for is love, bonding, and connection. I don't want him to have a case of when he's in his teens and he doesn't know what love is from his father. Every day is a new day to improve myself and find new ways to be there for my son. I'm gonna show up every day, starting off with telling him, ‘I love you.’ Or just giving him random hugs and telling him words of affirmation. It's me putting what I didn't get on him and creating that environment.”

Being a 24/7 Dad

Today, Donald is focused on being what he calls a “24/7 dad”. “Being a 24/7 dad is just about being there for them. You spend so much time away from your family, at the end of the day, come home and be together, even if it’s only for 30 minutes. You're under the same roof; be there for your son. Be there for your partner. Cut the phone off. Let’s spend this time we have together before we all go to sleep.”

Better Fathers Make Better Partners

Taking part in the Fatherhood EFFECT has also helped Donald be a better partner to his fiancée, Aubrey. “I can be a brick wall sometimes,” Donald says. “She’ll say, ‘Hey, what's going on?’ and I say, ‘Nothing.’ Going through the course has opened me up to her, which allows our relationship to be more transparent and more comfortable, whether it's finances or whatever's going on in my day-to-day life mentally or emotionally. Now it’s like, ‘Hey, I’ve got this going on.’”

Helping Fathers of All Ages

Donald thinks all dads should consider taking part in the program. “I would encourage fathers young and older just to go and give it a shot,” he says. “The fathers who I work with at my job now, I tell them, ‘Man, you’ve got to open up, you’ve got to talk about it. You’ll really feel better. We’re all here for the same purpose, to be better fathers, to be better partners. I promise that you will benefit. There's no way you leave this class the same way you came in. It's never too late to be a better dad.’”

Find Programs Near You

The Fatherhood EFFECT is currently available in Bell, Brazoria, Cameron, Fort Bend, Galveston, Harris, Jefferson, McLennan, Montgomery, Taylor, and Travis. To qualify for this child and family service, families must live in the specified service delivery area county or combined service area. Because the program is offered through local community partners, availability, eligibility, and resources vary. Find programs in your area.